Ciao's jokes

Discussion in 'The Cocktail Lounge' started by Ciao (Sheppy), Aug 17, 2016.

  1. Ciao (Sheppy)

    Ciao (Sheppy) Well-Known Member

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    lets start the day :):):):)

    A DEATH IN THE FAMILY
    A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
    She says, "My mom died."
    He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
    Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
    She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

    o_O:D

    A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers. At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
    The injured man replies, "But I don't have the fingers!"
    "Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor asks.
    The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

    :D:)
     
  2. Ciao (Sheppy)

    Ciao (Sheppy) Well-Known Member

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    A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

    Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

    After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

    A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifiers: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

    :D:D
     
  3. Ciao (Sheppy)

    Ciao (Sheppy) Well-Known Member

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    Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of ****ographic magazines!"

    "What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

    "Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."

    The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."

    "Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

    "I poked holes in all of them," she replied.

    The third nun said, "Oh ****."

    :eek::):D
     
  4. Ciao (Sheppy)

    Ciao (Sheppy) Well-Known Member

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    Q: Why don't blondes breast-feed their babies?
    A: It hurts too much to boil the nipples

    :eek:o_O

    A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it.
    "What happened?" asked the doctor.
    "I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer.
    The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide distance!"

    :rolleyes::D:Dthat's all folks :)
     
  5. Ciao (Sheppy)

    Ciao (Sheppy) Well-Known Member

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    wow what happen no one likes jokes? no comments :eek: :confused::rolleyes:o_O:D
    anyway here is another one...

    Nicknames

    Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
    One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
    The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
    The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
    She frowned and said, "The postman."
    "Why the postman?"
    "Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

    :oops::oops: this one is on the limit!!! but funny ;):D
     
  6. Ciao (Sheppy)

    Ciao (Sheppy) Well-Known Member

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    The phone call...

    A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
    The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
    "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
    Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?"
    And his lovely wife replies, "I don't any idea who it was.
    It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

    :rolleyes::D:D
     
  7. Ciao (Sheppy)

    Ciao (Sheppy) Well-Known Member

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    Chair Man of the Board

    Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
    When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
    Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
    have a nice day :):):):):):D
     
  8. anotherdevilsadvocate

    anotherdevilsadvocate Well-Known Member

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    Why did the libertarian chicken cross the road?

    That's none of your business. Am I being detained?
     
    Value543 likes this.

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